If you want a mate, you’ve got to know how to cook –
cook up a good relationship.
It’s no good dreaming one up in the Lounge room of Excellence;
you must prepare for ordinary hard slog:
you must roll up your sleeves and cook one up
in the Kitchen of Give and Take.

First you must climb into the Battered Old Saucepan of Love
Where you will marinate in the Sauce of Sex.
Then you shall be covered with the wine of Faith,
the Oil of Compassion and the Salt of Sin and Suffering.

Now you are tossed in the Pan of Chaos,
and seared by the Flame of Truth.
You are carved by the Knife of Compromise
and served with the Spoon of Duty;
onto the Plate of Acceptance
and garnished with the Herbs of Humility.

At this point you may well say grace.

Michael Leunig